The school Christmas party is coming
Ain't doing rugby no more
McIntyre's teaching us waltzing
Out on the gymnasium floor
McIntyre's out of the army
You'll be slippered if you get it wrong
McIntyre's dim,who's loud in the gym
Well, we've only got a little short song
We've only got a little short song

And it's one,two,three,two,two were all a disgrace 
McIntyre tore us apart
We dance with ourselves, when we'd all found the space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts, 

Comes the day of the final maneuver, all of our heads are a whirl
It's Getting much closer to "D"-day
This time we're going to do it with girls
In the arena the ladies were are waiting
A twelve year partner to dance
Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed
And the fat girl got left on the side
The fat girl got left on the side. 

And it's one,two,three,two,two were all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
We dance with ourselves, when we'd all found the space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
It's the secondary waltz 

When you come to my fights, and I am under the light
See that my footwork is false
Don't count me out, the start of the bow
I'm just doing secondary waltz
Doing secondary waltz
And it's the secondary waltz
Yeah, it's the secondary waltz